The best of lousy Black Friday
Let's take a spin around the deals, shall we?
It’s Thanksgiving Week, which in previous years means there are big sales happening this weekend, but in 2024 means that we’re on Week 4 of Black Friday. (For the record, I’m glad that capitalism figured out they can just offer the deals for a month and get more money out of it.) But a big part of Black Friday casting such a wide net is that there’s going to be a lot of junk out there that you CAN’T AFFORD to pass up, because look at the price!
Maybe you’ve been around long enough to remember my SkyMall articles for Progressive Boink, but what better time than Black Friday to take a gander at the EXTREME SAVINGS on offer around the old internet and have some yuks, eh?
Join me for a sampling of some of the showcased deals available today/this week over on the Amazons.
Do you love candles but hate when you use them as intended? Well, a candle warmer has you covered! This one uses “top-down heating technology” to melt your candle evenly and steadily, and you can control the speed at which your candle melts. Or — and hear me out here — you could light the candle and save yourself 34 bucks. You already bought the candle! Fire is free!
Jesus Christ man, how many fuckin’ red onions do you need?
JACKED FACTORY x JOHN WICK PRE WORKOUT
Do you wish you had gains like John Wick, a guy who notably is always wearing a suit so you can’t see his physique? Well then get AMPED on this special COLLAB from the John Wick franchise and JACKED FACTORY, which didn’t have the courage of its convictions to name the company JACKTORY. Bonus Wick appropriation points for being “Osaka Cherry Blossom” flavor. Do you wish your pre-workout gave you the energy to become the baba yaga and kill four movies’ worth of dudes to avenge your dog? Slap a scoop of this in your shaker cup.
Paid subscribers will see more weird stuff below the cut. You’re curious, aren’t you?
