Official Thanksgiving rankings

Welcome to Thanksgiving week, everyone (in the United States)! We made it! Technically.

I know that Thanksgiving isn’t for everyone, and in fact for many it’s just something to sort of struggle through in order to get to Christmas (or perhaps the first struggle on the road of getting through the holidays in general). Maybe you’re like me and you’re lucky* enough to have a very young child who will be out of school for like three of the next six weeks. Maybe your Thanksgiving is a shift at work and Taco Bell on the way home, and kudos to you for living más.

But let’s get right to the main course: ranking Thanksgiving stuff! This list will be mostly food, but not entirely!

-LAST PLACE: Green Bean Casserole
This stuff is nasty, you perverts. Canned cream of mushroom soup with green beans and processed crunchy onions on top? This is the Thanksgiving meal equivalent of being a Foot Guy: I’m sure plenty of people are into that, but if you make it Your Thing, nobody wants to hear about it. The sweet potatoes with the marshmallows on top could also go here, but I don’t have enough experience to really speak to that.

The rest of the rankings continue for paid subscribers. Join if you want to rile yourself up!