All-new things I'm afraid of thanks to 'The Pitt'

I've written about HBO's The Pitt before, and now that its first, 15-episode season has wrapped up, I can genuinely say that my only complaint about it is that I don't have another 15 episodes to watch immediately. It will return in January, but that's way too long to go without The Pitt in my life. I suppose I'll have to fill that medical procedural-shaped hole in my heart with another ER rewatch. Just don't let Michael Crichton's estate know I'm making that connection.

But as amazing – transcendent, really – as The Pitt was, it also introduced me, as all good medical shows do, to a bevy of know horrible catastrophes that could befall me at any instant. Here is a short recap of some of those horrors.

[Please note: "mass shooting" is already something I'm intensely afraid of, so that won't appear here today.]

Things I don't want to happen to me:

• Pelvis crushed by truck backing up
• Fork stuck in nose
• Peed on by a drug addict
• Tackled by a cop who thinks I'm an active shooter
• Degloved foot
• Coat full of rats
• Gravel stuck in leg
• Shot in chest with nail gun
• Hemorrhaging after tonsillectomy
• Full-body burn

Things I didn't know could happen to me:

• My chest skin inflating because air got between my skin and my insides
• Going unconscious and turning blue after coming into contact with chemicals
• IO drilled into my arm bone despite me not needing one
• Medical staff playing "top that" with improvisational procedures because they're out of the supplies they need to fix me in the normal ways
• Pork tapeworm
• Mercury poisoning from face cream
• Twiddler's syndrome (somehow this doesn't have anything to do with jerkin' it)

It's a big old rich world out there of horrifying things that could happen to you at any given instant. Luckily, The Pitt exists to help take the edge off. And also give these fears to me in the first place.

Look, things are complex, alright? Just watch TV for a while.